Hotel 626

It's a flash site/game from a friend and it scared the hell out of me. If you're brave enough to try it out, make sure that you are in a dark room and you have a headset and mic on. (BTW it's only open from 6pm to 6am EST... I think...)

www.hotel626.com

and so it is

Keep breathing…

That’s what I hear… hushed tone, husky voice. It sounded like the person who’s talking was pumped up but at the same time tired. I tried to figure out why, was he running? From what? It’s not just physical, it was something deeper than that. It is the same feeling when you try to reach for something you’ve always wanted, but every time you’re near your goal, you see something better and try to aim for it.

Do not stop…

This came from people who seem farther than the man. They want him not to stop pushing. It was the sound of cheering, but somehow it felt like pressure.

Just keep fighting…

It was the man again, this time he sounded like he was about to cry. He didn’t want to give up, maybe to please and not to disappoint the people around him.

Then there was a sound of silence, then tears…

The man was tired, tired of pushing. His mind was ready, but his body was not. The man had to stop, he just has to. He was waiting for someone to help him…

I realized it was me.

How bout a round of applause

why say no to Gay Marriage...

10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong

01) Being gay is not natural. Real Filipinos always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and annulment is still illegal.

05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

08) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in The Philippines. (Don't you find it funny & amusing when religion claims they are the only way of life? LMFAO!)

09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like the fact that we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

The sun is gone

I was sitting by the beach, watching the sunset. I still remember the energy I had when the sun was still at its peak. I remember how beautiful things are. I saw every grain of sand, I saw my footprints, I could see everything. Now it’s dark, only a yellow lining is left shining in the horizon. The sun is gone. I am alone now in the freezing cold. But I’m still awake. Not a single hint of sleepiness, not even tiredness flowed through my body. Because of my despair of being left, I sought after following the sun, so I ran to the horizon, continued running until the cold water is up to my chest. That’s when I stopped and realized I have no where to go. I looked around; all I see are white lines that define the ripples on the water’s surface. That was it, the perfect state of misery, I knew I can’t do anything, the sun is leaving me.

Though my mind was saying I can make it until sunrise, my senses were not helping at all. Every wave of the sea struck my heart with brutal force causing my heart to ache in longing; all I hear are the waves that intensified the pain of each hit and the wind blew hard that every brush through my skin made me shiver in desolation. I felt so helpless. I wanted to shout… I wanted to cry… but all I did was look down, took a deep breathe, and told myself that everything’s gonna be fine. I stayed there for a few minutes, trying to let the hurt fade, but nothing changed. Memories are the only things stayed in me, and they exaggerated the pain I felt. Suddenly a tear fell from my eye. I wiped it away using my finger and felt its warmth. The warmth came from the sun I thought, it was the source of my energy, now that it’s gone, what’s gonna happen to me? Will I die before sunrise?

I saw my hands clench. All the things I felt, helped me release the burden. Now, tears are flowing, I was crying so bad that I could hardly breathe. I mustered all the strength left in me as I took a deep breath, opened my mouth and shouted at the top of my lungs. It was the resonance of sorrow. I shouted several times, hoping that the sun would hear me. I heard echoes of the words that came from my mouth…

Why?

How could you do this to me?

We made a promise…

I want you back…

Please don’t leave me…

I wanted to drown right there and then for the sun has already left me, but I know it’s not right. After the outcry, I was left there, hands on my face, tears flowing relentlessly… then I whispered… “Give me back my heart…”

I've got to tell you in my loudest tones

I can't help it... I just need to let it out...

I’m turning my back to face something that is about to leave... hoping that I’ll be able to bring back what used to be there, a bright sun which blinded me from seeing its true beauty. Now that it’s leaving, I'm praying that tomorrow will be the same again and that while the moon is above me, I’ll be asleep for me not to feel the pain of waiting anxiously for its return. And when it rises it will come from behind me for I’m facing the end of what we used to encompass, I would not make the same mistake and turn around again, I would reside and just feel the warmth of its glorious rays. And as it moves above me I would cherish every moment and hope that I’d die, so all I would remember is the peak of the sun’s heat that burned my emotions. What I will leave is a gleaming light that all will remember as the love which everyone desired.

Stuff People Do

Statistically speaking, unless you are a total hermit, a social retard, or ugly as a putrid bum, there is at least one person in your multiply network that has a crush on, wants to date you, wants to sleep with you or simply just wants to kiss you. So... let's play "No Guts, No Glory!"

The rules are simple.

1. If you want to date the person who posted this, send a Personal Message, not a reply to this post, saying "Coffee?"
2. If you have a crush on the person who posted this, send a Personal Message saying"You're hot!"
   
3. If you just want to sleep with them & stay friends, send them a message that says "Nice shoes!"
4. If you simply just want to kiss the person who posted this, send a Personal Message saying, "I do!"
   

SCARED?

The only rule is that, you must not make anyone who sends you a personal message feel stupid for feeling that way about you. Acknowledge. Say thank you. Move on.

IF YOU'VE READ THIS, YOU HAVE TO REPOST THIS, EVEN IF YOU'RE TAKEN & see who replies.

SO... re-post this as "No Guts, No Glory", as it doesn't matter if you're married, in a relationship, or single.

You opened it so you HAVE to repost it! A test of your bravery!

Blackout

An event empowering the society to promote equality. A collaboration of young individuals using tools of creativity to raise awareness and catalyze action around critical issues that impact our communities. The team believes in the power of this creative process to transform lives building a more just society.

No Glam. No Fluff. Just You.

Stupified

There are some people who are just so pretentious that they don’t even know which is reality and which is fantasy. I’m saying this because there’s someone out there pretending to be a sheep around the group I’m in when all the fur in his feet and arms resembles a wolf, worst is he smells like a stinking predator trying to infiltrate a group of innocent beings. Fortunately, my friends find you fascinating. They find your coat so perfect, they don’t know that it’s made of synthetic plastic made to attract even the smallest insect due to its illumining shine. Unfortunate for you, I am here, I can see through your mask. My eyes are open and I can see every detail of your true revolting skin, I can smell you tainted odor, I feel your brooding presence. Keep on pretending and hope your cloak won’t be worn to shreds, for when it happens, the world you live in will be shattered into pieces and you will see the horrendous reality that you have created yourself. Be nice wolf, a hunter is just here, watching your every move.

i can't take my mind off you

The Scientist

Come up to meet you, tell you Im sorry, you dont know how lovely you are. I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart. Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions oh lets go back to the start. Running in circles, coming up tails, heads on a silence apart. Nobody said it was easy oh its such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said that it would be this hard, oh take me back to the start.

I was just guessing at numbers and figures, pulling your puzzles apart. Questions of science, science and progress, do not speak as loud as my heart. Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me, oh and I rush to the start. Running in circles, chasing our tails, coming back as we are. Nobody said it was easy, oh its such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be so hard,… im going back to the start.

Warning Sign

A warning sign, I missed the good part then I realized, I started looking and the bubble burst. I started looking for excuses. Come on in, I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in, I've got to tell you in my loudest tones, That I started looking for a warning sign.

When the truth is, I miss you. Yeah the truth is that I miss you so.

A warning sign, you came back to haunt me and I realized, that you were an island and I passed you by, you were an island to discover. Come on in, I've got to tell you what state I'm in, I've got to tell you in my loudest tones, That I started looking for a warning sign.

When the truth is, I miss you. Yeah the truth is that I miss you so.

And I'm tired; I should not have let you go. So I crawl back into your open arms. Yes, I crawl back into your open arms. And I crawl back into your open arms. Yes, I crawl back into your open arms...

Thank You

Sometimes, you meet people who you thought are just so talented, amazing and unreachable that you forget that those people are also human beings who have their weaknesses which makes them normal, like us. You might not realize it immediately but after some time of knowing this person, you just slowly understand the beauty in these people’s lives.

I was not pertaining to weaknesses as something negative, I was thinking actually of a word that would describe a normal person who had an effect to the people around them... just a normal human being who has the skill to touch people’s lives and make them see things that they never thought possible. I am talking about someone I look up to, someone who I think is so amazing when it comes to the field that I love most… photography.

I met Ash through multiply and was really stunned by the photos he took. I’ve always thought that this person is so talented; I’ve never seen pictures where the subjects pop-out. Well there’s Niccolo Cosme, but that’s another story. Every time I log in to multiply, I always check his site if he has new pictures uploaded. I never felt tired of looking at his photos and try to analyze how he does that. At the back of my mind, I was saying I hope I could create a photo like this someday. After sometime, he asked me to assist him in a photo shoot in Tagaytay, I was shocked, coz I never thought he would ask me to help him and out of all his friends in multiply, I was wondering why he asked me. And that question, is still left hanging until now.

The shoot was amazing. I’ve felt so satisfied with what I was learning. Photography is my passion and that was the first time I attended a photo shoot, and the fact that Ash was there was something. I can honestly say that that day was one of the most meaningful days in my life. I saw a person who I look up to while he’s working. I thought all the things I know about him was enough to look up to him, but working with him, hearing his reactions, advices, complaints and all made me look up to him more. No pretensions. He would say he’s tired if is tired, he would say I don’t’ like this, I don’t like that, ha would bitch sometime, he would make small mistakes, etc. He was just a normal person like every one of us, the only difference is he has an amazing talent and knows how to use it and remained humble. That day, he helped me see my goals, something he might not know, but really, he made me realize what I really want. I’ve never met someone like him before and now that we’re friends, all I can say is Thank You.

Something i've always wanted

I've always wanted to get a tattoo. At first it was for aesthetic reasons but as I mature, I wanted to get a mark that would signify a part of me that is not seen by the naked eye but felt by the people around me. It needs to be empowering for me. The only problem is I don’t know what design will I get and where to put it. I saw this picture and it gave an idea of how I want mine to look like. I wonder how many days will it take for me to get a tattoo that huge and how much will it cost me…

Losing something you never had

I’m lost. I don’t know how to react to the feeling of losing something that you thought you will have. I tried telling myself that I do not have the right to complain because I cannot lose something I never had, but then, why am I so damaged with what happened? I told myself that I won’t expect, and I felt that I was not expecting, but now that found out that I won’t get what I’ve always wanted, I realized that my desire for this thing was so big and it had a huge effect on me.

How is it possible for someone not to expect if you have invested a lot and was led to believe that you can get what you want? How could something so simple become so complicated when all cards are laid? Is it human nature to aspire for something and be devastated in the end when things do not happen their way? Is there anyway to avoid this trap?

On the other hand, should I fight for it? Should I pursue something that I already know is gone? Things are getting so complicated as I mature. I used to be the person who just takes whatever comes my way, but now that there’s an element of aspiration; simplicity gets blurred out of the picture. The picture I see now is filled with shadows, dark pigments of hurt that haunts me. I thought everything was clear at first. I thought that light would make the picture clear and simple, and it did, but the thing is it also created shadows.

Writing this on a positive note was my objective, but it turns out that my emotions get in the way. On the other hand, maybe it helped because my only purpose in writing this is to get stuff out of my chest.

To those who ended up with nothing but Memories

I just watched the video I posted earlier wondering who made it. It must be the sweetest and most meaningful message. I’ve been in the person’s situation, wanting someone so bad, sharing good memories with him, and in the end you just become friends because he can only offer friendship. It sucks, big time, and the video created an almost perfect picture of how it feels to be in the situation. I included the message below for the people who don’t want to watch the video. And to the one who made it, I’m sorry things didn’t go the way you wanted, but don’t worry, you are not alone. J

“One of the reasons why people get so sentimental is because memories are the only things that don’t change… when everything else does. There are things in life that you can’t hold on forever, no matter how much you fight for it. Sometimes destiny isn’t always good, it becomes playful. When you met someone you learned to love, you thought that it was destiny that made your paths cross. But what if making your paths cross is just a part of the game that the playful destiny creates? Making you realize in the end that the person you thought that was destined for you wasn’t really meant to stay… but only destined to make you feel love and leave you when you’ve already fallen. It’s not easy to state a reason when you decide to leave your love. Some might think it’s just an excuse… some might not actually believe it… some might even be mad at you… what they don’t see is the fact that it hurts to hurt someone who doesn’t deserve to be hurt… especially when you can’t actually state the reason why you have to leave. You can never own something that was never yours, so let’s stop gripping on things we expect to last forever. Nothing lasts forever. Forever is a lie. Everything is transitory. So while you have something in your hand, keep in mind that it was just borrowed, so that someday when it’s gone, it won’t take you eternity just to let it go. When your feelings get strong for someone, it’s always wise to stop a while and give your heart a time to breathe. A time to use your mind to weigh the situation based on reason not on emotion, because the saddest thing that can happen is when one fall in love while the other wants nothing more than friendship.

Love can sometimes be magic, but magic can sometimes be an illusion. There are times when I wish that I was limited to certain emotions, so that I’ll never have to experience pain, never feel betrayed or disappointed, and never get my fragile heart broken. But the same thing means that I’ll never know how it feels to love and be loved in return… the thought of it scares me. To have heart that’s whole but numb or a heart that’s broken but real. Someday, we’ll be all be looking back to those days we learned to love, cry, and fight. Maybe when that time comes, we’ll be laughing at our old dumb selves realizing how stupid we were to stand up for things we knew weren’t really meant for us. But I guess learning takes time, and mistakes make one’s journey fun. Life is what we make it. Love makes the world go round, so let’s live, love, and take whatever pain it brings, though it’s hard to wait around for something that I know will never happen, it’s harder to stop when I know it’s everything I’ve always wanted. But you know what? I’m glad, I’m glad it happened...”

I'll get over this

Have you ever had a phase in your life where you feel that everything is a mess? Have you ever felt so alone that you want to cry but there’s just not a single tear coming out of your eyes? Have you ever been so tired of waking up and not look forward to anything that will happen for the day? Have you ever wished for a miracle so bad that almost every hour you day dream of the time it will some true? These are the things that I’m going through right now. I feel so bad. I just can’t explain how depressing my state is right now.

One last Goodbye to my Ex

Last night, when I was about to go home, I got a message from my ex saying that he misses me and hopes that I’m fine. Since I was near where he was, I suddenly asked if he wants to meet up. I was thinking then of finally having closure with him. It’s been four months since the day we broke up and I know I was ready to face him. I told him to meet me in front of Starbucks. After a few minutes, I saw him walking towards me and suddenly, he approached me and hugged me. He whispered “I miss you so much.” I was not ready for that. I just gave him a pat in the back and asked him if he wants to grab a beer or something. We went to one of the taverns in the area and started talking about stuff that happened to both of us the past month. Out of nowhere, he asked me if I still love him. I said I don’t know, then that’s when he started crying. He told me that he needs me and that he wants me back. I was not ready for that kind of conversation because I know that I already moved on. I just told him that he’s gonna be ok, that humans have a great capability to heal, and sorry but he won’t get what he wants from me. I wanted us to be ok. I wanted closure, but what was happening that time isn’t what I anticipated. He couldn’t stop crying so I explained to him what was in my mind. I told him that we have our differences. I thought I couldn’t live without him before but after spending time alone, I realized that there are a lot of things in life that I should focus on. I cracked a joke, that’s when he started laughing. The rest of the night was different from that point on. I thought we were finally getting closure until the time that I was about to go home. I don’t know what came to him but he started hugging me and was insisting that he’ll take me home. I didn’t want him to. We were along the road with all the people and cars passing by and it almost came to a point where I shouted at him. It was crazy. I couldn’t do anything else, so I told him to calm down and listen to me. I said there will be a time that he would just look back on all these things that are happening and just smile. I said sorry, but I do not see any reason for us to be together, maybe when we see each other by the time that both of us moved on, we could be friends and possibly start something from there. But now I don’t really see that happening. After a couple of minutes, I left him there, crying. It broke my heart, but I know that it’s the right thing to do.

What we had is something I will treasure forever. I will never regret the time, the pain, the tears, the smile, the laughter, and the stress, everything that we shared. He made me who I am right now, and I am thankful for that. It’s sad that we parted ways but we should learn to celebrate what we have now. Like what I said in one of my posts last year, life is not like fairytales where stories have a happy ending, life is meaner… but when you think of it, it’s what makes life beautiful. If everything’s perfect then we wouldn’t need our friends, our family or anyone to share our lives with. Life would be boring that way. What I know is that pain is there to make us learn and realize that there are a lot of things in life we should appreciate other than the things that we aim for.

When I got home, I got a message from him admitting that I have a point and that he wishes me well. I said thank you and goodbye.

What Am I Suppose to Do?

I know how hard it is to deal with issues of the heart, and the fact that I’m not straight adds-up to the trouble. Unlike straight people, there’s an unwritten rule that men should be the one to court girls, but for us, it’s more complicated. How would you know if you’re supposed to make the first move or when is it ok to ask someone out? The Charmer is not a huge fan of replying to my messages which is the reason why things get difficult for me. I don’t know if he intends not to reply or if he’s really busy. However, whenever I get a message from him, he makes it a point to remind and tell me that he wants to meet me again and likes hearing from me; it’s just that he doesn’t have time. Isn’t it right to think that if you like a person, you’ll make time for him? Or this only applies to people who have the luxury of time? Now, I’m afraid to send him messages because he might get tired of my texts. Yesterday, I just sent him one message for the whole day at around 10pm and his reply was that he missed my messages. How crazy is that? Whenever I send him massages, it’s either I won’t get a response or it takes him years to reply but when I don’t he’ll tell me he misses my messages. Does that mean I should just send him messages and just wish that he’ll reply? The funny thing is that he knows that me waiting for his reply is kind of frustrating. I told him this the last time we’re together and he said sorry and that he’ll try his best to do better next time. Lately, his messages usually start with “sorry for the late response…” and surprisingly I still get some kind of relief whenever I get this but the problem is the thought that he won’t be replying next time.

Now my question is what the hell is the reason why he does that? When should I ask him what he is really into? Does he see friendship in me or what? Everything points to the idea that he likes me… what his friend tells me, his messages, our date… but when we’re not together, everything gets too complex.

One possible reason I can think of, is that I’m not that important to him. If that’s so, what will I do to change this knowing the fact that it’s so damn hard to communicate and to schedule a meet up with him? I badly need to know what in particular I should do. No more, go with the flow, one step at a time, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for my friends’ advice, but this time I would probably need to figure out something to do to turn the table around. Really, this is getting too wearisome for me. I badly want the Charmer, but I just don’t know what to do.

I'm so Confused

This is a really crazy entry, but I know for a fact that a lot of people go through the same situation.

HEART: A sudden wave of depression passed by me as I was walking on my way home from the gym. Last night was surreal. I didn’t think that something so wonderful could happen to me again. Yes, I had an official date with the Charmer, and what he offered me changed the whole game. I saw him in a different light. He was a person who is so dedicated to his goals and is not in the circuit. I saw the depth of his personality in one night, something that is hard to achieve. There are a lot of exchange of stories, statements and beliefs, but what’s important in the end is how we reacted to the whole thing. We both enjoyed the night and felt the connection. As corny as it may sound, especially to those who abhor Valentine’s Day, we like each other’s company. Until now, we are still exchanging messages, but what he doesn’t know is that I feel scared of what’s gonna happen next. I’m afraid to invest emotions because of the fear of going through all the pain that comes with it. It’s so easy to say that people should take the risk, but what I went through in my past relationship was so bad that I still remember how hurt I was then. Aside from this, there’s also to think that he might be thinking of the same thing. Worse, he might not be over his ex. That would definitely complicate things.

MIND: On the other hand, this game we started is becoming grueling. I just took the next step and now, I’m tired and don’t know what to do next. I’m starting to lose coz I feel like I’m starting to really like him. But a part of me is saying I’m not yet ready to give up that easily. I told myself that I’m gonna give this my best shot. But come to think of it, he already gave signs that I won, but he might be bluffing. I couldn’t let my guard down, not now. But what if he’s actually just waiting for me to do that and he would do the same. It would then be a draw then. It would’ve been perfect that way, unfortunately, I wouldn’t really know for now. All I can say is that I’m at the losing end. I definitely lost yesterday, he got me there. But the game is not yet over.

30 hours straight

I woke up at 3:00pm on Friday, and when I wrote my previous post, I was thinking that I’ll be sleeping like a baby, but when I went to bed, my mind was so awake thinking of the things I’m gonna be packing. I felt so restless. I went downstairs to drink water several times before deciding to forget about sleeping and just do the packing. I took out my bags and started folding my clothes so that it won’t take too much space. After that, I took my socks, towels, toiletries, Jeans, etc. My mind was working so hard that my body would not know which item to get first, toothbrush or CDs? Books or bedsheets? I guess I was a bit excited to have my own place again. I started packing at 4:30am and finished at 8:00am. I had to meet up with Nyl to get the keys for duplication at around 8:15am so I made packing as fast as I could. Of course, with the help of my ever reliable cousin, we met up with Nyl, took the keys, went to the house to plan on how we’ll be cleaning it first, and then determine what we need to buy. After that, we duplicated the keys, bought some cleaning equipment, and waited for Jason (I asked for his help since he has a van and all my stuff would fit in it.) to pick us up. He got to our house at around 12pm, and then took us to the place where I’ll be moving to. It’s relatively near my folks. The succeeding hours are grueling. We scrubbed the walls, the tiles, the floor… we scrubbed everything just to make it look clean. We finished part of the job at around 6:00pm and stopped since we don’t have sandpaper to remove the water stains on the bathroom tiles. When the owner, saw what we did, he was shocked. The tiles that used to be grayish black turned white, the cluttered dirty kitchen was clean and organized, and the room that used to be dusty and dark was as good as new. All of that in 6 hours, and we’re not yet done. We’ll resume later with the finishing touches. Hahah!

After taking a shower at around 9:00pm, I tried to check some stuff in my computer but my eyes felt so tired and fell asleep with the iTunes playing rock songs. I was so tired that the load music didn’t bother me at all. I was 30 hours awake and accomplished tons of stuff with the help of my cousin Elfi. And just for the record, she never fails to amaze me with her hard work and kindness to me. That’s something I’ll be cherishing for a very, very long time. I remember when she first came to Manila (she’s originally from the province), she was so sweet, prim and proper, innocent and shy. After years of staying in our house and having me as a mentor, now, she’s so funny, can be loud sometimes, could easily get along with my friends (who knows her so well too), and I’m proud to say that she can now bitch at some stuff as well. Hahah! She got that from me! I’m a proud cousin!

About the Game

Create a False Sense of Security-Approach Indirectly

I wanted the Charmer to feel comfortable with me. All my replies were constructed in a way that he would think that I’m just after friendship. And for the past 2 days, he’s been sending more messages, making his presence felt. A while, ago, he asked me where I was at, I said I was in a coffee shop. He said meet up with me after finishing his drinking session with colleagues. I said ok, just text me. Unfortunately, the shop already closed, but I didn’t get any message from him, so I decided to go home. I told him that the place was closed already, didn’t say that we could just meet up next time, or something that would make him think that we can’t meet anymore, because I do want to talk to him and know more about him. I know that I’m missing the first critical technique here, but what can I do? The Charmer got his own game plan. I could have the upper hand here thinking that he’s falling to my bait, but on the other hand, maybe the reason why we haven’t really talked much is because he has his own tricks up his sleeves.

I just woke up hours ago (yes, I know that my body clock’s f*cked up right now), so when he asks if we could still hang out, I could still say yes. But I’m not waiting for him though; it’ll just make me over analyze things again. We’ll see what will happen later.

Another Renaissance

I will be going through a lot; I know this for a fact. I’ll be moving out of my parent’s place tomorrow. For the past weeks, I have been thinking on living an independent life. Life has been easy for me with my family around. I got used to having people’s help anytime. Not that I’m complaining, I’m thankful for having my family’s support, it’s just that I’m afraid that I won’t be able to live normally without them when there’s an urgent need to. I have to start getting used to it now. So I talked to one of my friends, and luckily, they have a spare room. The place where I’ll be staying isn’t that far from my folks. It’s also accessible to a lot of places, like the gym, MRT station, restaurants, 24-hour convenience stores, coffee shops, etc. so I don’t think adjusting won’t be that hard, especially living with some of my close friends (though they’re not in the house that often). I’m gonna be packing my stuff in a while, of course I have to bring with me five of the most important gadgets I have (which are all colored black by the way, I just love the color). I told myself before that the 5 gadgets that I need and want would be, first, a mobile phone. Mine’s Nokia 6300 which is so user friendly and slim. It’s the best basic phone I’ve seen. Also, since I love music, I have an iPod, a 4GB Nano which plays videos as well, so it’s cool. Fourth is my laptop, which is almost a necessity nowadays, I have an old ASUS A3000, which contains all the important documents I need, including back up copies of my blog entries. I also have a slim PSP, which is there when I’m bored and when I need to surf without having to bring my laptop. The last one took me years before actually getting one. I love taking pictures, and it was hard for me to determine what kind of model to buy for a digital camera. Fortunately, I was able to decide this afternoon, and bought a Canon Powershot G9. I still have a lot to learn in order to use it effectively, and I’m not really in hurry, so I just decided to finish studying CSS/HTML first.

I have already set goals for myself, and I guess I’m on the right track. I’ve been telling my subordinates at work that the most important thing in a company is that the employees are happy with what they’re doing because that will give them the motivation they need to perform well. It’s hard to assign duties to people who don’t really like what they’re doing. The output won’t be as remarkable, or worse, they won’t be productive at all. The good thing is I already know what I want, and know that this would be something I won’t get tired of doing. Hopefully, I’d be successful in the field.

About the Game

The Techniques

I have to correct myself. My previous blog states that there are steps in seducing a person. After some reading, I found out that those are actually techniques. The first one I discussed is the most important, but as I understand it the rest doesn’t have to come in order. So here are all the techniques (they might sound weird, but the explanation in the book justifies the title):

1 Choose the Right Victim (the absolutely critical first step)

2 Create a False Sense of Security-Approach Indirectly

3 Send Mixed Signals

4 Appear to Be an Object of Desire-Create Triangles

5 Create a Need-Stir Anxiety and Discontent

6 Master the Art of Insinuation

7 Enter Their Spirit

8 Create Temptation

9 Keep Them in Suspense-What Comes Next?

10 Use the Demonic Power of Words to Sow Confusion

11 Pay Attention to Detail

12 Poeticize Your Presence

13 Disarm Through Strategic Weakness and Vulnerability

14 Confuse Desire and Reality-The Perfect Illusion

15 Isolate the Victim

16 Prove Yourself

17 Effect a Regression

18 Stir Up the Transgressive and Taboo

19 Use Spiritual Lures

20 Mix Pleasure with Pain

21 Give Them Space to Fall-The Pursuer Is Pursued

22 Use Physical Lures

23 Master the Art of the Bold Move

24 Beware of the Aftereffects

After several days of not sending any message to him, based on technique number 3, sending mixed signals; I wanted him to think that I’m not really that interested anymore. To my surprise, he sent a message to me saying that he suddenly thought of me and he hopes that I was ok. I said “ you just miss me. Haha! I’m ok, hope you are fine as well”. Then he said he wanted to see me soon. I said “I’ll tell you when I’m free. J”

It’s funny how people need attention. Usually I tell my friends who are having issues with the people they like to just don’t bother. I was trying to make them look unavailable, and the more they act that way, the more the other person does the chase. Maybe humans have this need to chase or to be wanted. If they see that an individual does everything to catch his attention, the more he moves back and allows attention to boost his ego, but when it stops, he’s gonna do things to get that attention back, which is the same thing that happened to the Charmer.

Inspired

It’s been almost a week since my last post, and all I have been doing is workout and study HTML and CSS. Yeah, I had all the time in the world so I decided to do something worthwhile. As my friends know, I really love designing web pages and taking pictures as well, it has been something that takes a lot of my time but doesn’t make me feel tired at all. So given the time, I decided to learn everything I need to know and make it something I’d be doing for the succeeding months or even years.

I have to admit, there are some people who inspired me to do this. Some people, I haven’t even met but really helped me realize what I want through their works of art. First is Ash Castro. I saw his site months ago and was really impressed by his work. Second is Niccolo Cosme, who is also a master in the field. How I found him, is actually remarkable. I saw Wanggo’s headshot in Multiply and thought it was one of the best headshots I’ve seen. Then I saw Ash Castro’s headshot, which kinda looked the same as Wanggo’s in terms of the size, color, background and lighting, and I found out that Niccolo was the photographer. I checked out his site and saw several headshots of his friends. I immediately called him asking how I could get my own headshot; unfortunately, he won’t be doing any until the middle of the year. Though disappointed, because I badly want one, I just asked him if I could add him as a contact in multiply. It’s a good thing he said it was ok because I was thinking he doesn’t have a clue who I was, and it was awkward for me to ask that question. Anyway, he’s already my contact, as well as Ash, two people who inspired me to do what I’ll be doing soon.

About the Game

Step number 1: Choose the Right Victim

As I have said in my previous post, I'll be talking about the game with the Charmer through the Art of Seduction book, and follow the steps in it. The first step states that I should be choosing the right person to seduce. I don’t think that ‘victim’ is the right term, but I just followed what it states in the book. According to Robert Greene, there are several types of victims. But before that, you should identify what type of seducer you might be. The book describes several types of seducers, and I have identified myself as a Rake, I’ll be describing the types in my next posts. Going back to the rule, as I understand it, I should make sure that I know my victim well, so I asked my people who knows him and also tried to go out with him to know him more, but to my disappointment, the only information I got was that he is a Buddhist, he smokes a lot, and I also got his schedule at work. Honestly, this makes me feel like a stalker of some sort, and the idea that I’m publishing this bothers me, but on the other hand, I’m enjoying the fact that I’m doing something out of the ordinary, so until I get any negative feedback from people about this post, I’m gonna continue what I started.

I’m still waiting for the time when I can spend more time with him and get more information about him. I have only seen him 3 times the past week, and we don’t usually send each other messages, so for the succeeding blogs, I would probably talk about the types of seducers and victims before I go to step number 2, which is to Create a False Sense of Security-Approach Indirectly.

The Game

After waking up, I immediately checked my phone if there were any message from the Charmer, but unfortunately, I didn’t even get any message from anyone. I stood up and went downstairs to eat and helped my cousin sort some stuff for her job. While segregating the stones (which my cousin is using to make jewelry), I felt the urge to send him a message and ask what how he was doing. He said he was in a mall with a friend. He also told me that he didn’t have work tonight so I asked him when we could go out. After a couple of minutes, there’s still no reply, so I sent another message telling him I was just trying my luck. Then he said sorry for not replying, and that we’ll go out sometime. I didn’t send a response anymore.

The messages that were sent totally confused me. I thought he liked me too, but a question lingers in my mind now… why didn’t he reply when I asked him when we’re going to go out. Maybe it’s just me or maybe, just maybe, he couldn’t or something bothered him when I asked him that question. I don’t want to overanalyze things but I just can’t help it. A friend told me to just play the game, the game of seduction, so I’m going read The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene and just take my friend’s advice. The next blogs you’ll be reading would be about how I’ll be playing the game.

Let the game begin!

The Charmer

It started Wednesday last week, we went to one of the bars in Timog because it was my cousin's birthday and I wanted her to have fun. It was a slow night but everything changed when this guy went to the stage. At first, I thought he was cute, but didn't really think of anything out of the ordinary. My friend couldn't stop talking about how cute he was, but I just didn't mind him. At the back of my mind though, I thought he was the cutest in the room, and all the time I was just staring at him. The moment he sang, I actually felt weird. The spotlight was on him, all I can see is his face, the way he smiled, the way his face changed whenever he was trying to hit a high note. I don't think I felt that way before. It was like my emotions were swirling inside me. His voice was like a spell pulling my insides toward him. At that time, I told myself “this is bad, I think I seriously like him...” I still remember the song he was singing then, it was “I'll be there” by Mariah Carey and some guy. He was singing the male part. Until now, as pathetic as it may seem, his voice is still in my mind, especially the part where he was belting out. I couldn't understand what happened to me but I was struck by this guy. I told myself I'm gonna go back next week to see him perform again. I thought he was my Charmer. It wasn't easy to get him off my mind. Actually I even told my friends about that guy, and were just laughing and telling me it was just infatuation.

Hours ago, I was with my cousin again and we're on our way home from Bonifacio High Street, when her friend (who knows a lot of people in the bar) sent a message to my cousin saying that the guy, who I will call the Charmer from now on, likes me and was asking for my number. All of a sudden, I was anxious of what happened. Was my cousin's friend able to give my number? How did he say it? Was it really me he was referring to? Is this really happening? A lot of questions popped into my mind. I was so eager to find the answers to my questions. And since it's Wednesday, and he's gonna be performing in the bar, I told myself I have to be there and see him.

Inside the bar, I waited for hours for him to come out to the stage and sing, and when I first saw him, I felt my heart beat faster. Is he gonna see me? Will he look at me? The bar was almost closing and nothing was still happening so I decided to call it a night and went to the washroom before leaving. When I came back, I saw him talking to my cousin. I honestly didn't know if I would go back to the washroom and pretend that I left something or should approach him and ask him if he really did ask for my number. I mustered all the confidence inside me and approached them. My cousin introduced him to me. He shook my hand and we went outside. When we said goodbye, I thought I needed to get his number so I gave my phone to my cousin and asked her to get his number for me. We waited for a couple of minutes and went home.

We went to my cousin's friend so I could get details on what happened and what he said about me. I just found out that last Tuesday, the Charmer was asking her about me and to introduce him to me. He was even asking her to tell me to go there tonight. While she was telling me the story I couldn't help but smile. After a few minutes of thinking whether I should text him or not, I took my phone and sent a message to him introducing myself and saying that I was the one who asked for his number. Few minutes passed, which felt like hours, I got a message from him saying that he also wanted to get my number but was just shy about it. He said that he hopes that he could see me again. I said “Sure. Next time I'll invite you to have dinner or something. :)”

Sound Tracks

I’ve been searching for some of the soundtracks that I like, unfortunately, I’m not familiar with the titles so I gathered all the researching abilities that I have in me and found 2 song titles. The fist one is Secret Garden by Bruce Springsteen from the movie “Jerry Maguire”. The line “She's got a secret garden, where everything you want, where everything you need, will always stay a million miles away” just moved me. It reminds me of times where you’re talking to someone and it feels like everything just makes sense. Having a connection with someone you don’t really see that often but once you spend time with that person, time flies so fast. You could converse for hours about anything. It’s such a high that you feel so contented with what you are experiencing that you don’t want the day to end. I miss that.

The second one is The Blower’s Daughter by Damien Rice from the movie “Closer”, which is one of my favorite movies by the way. The movie just stirred me. It’s amazing how movies could depict how people live and react. And with the help of music, everything just becomes more intense.

There are times where I would just listen to my favorite music and daydream. It heightens my senses that sometimes I feel everything deeply. You might think I’m crazy or something, nut it’s one of the things that we don’t normally talk about but actually happens. Like what one of my friends said through SMS, “the difference of movies from real life is the background music.”

Nothing to do

I’m an official BUM. Just submitted my resignation 2 weeks ago and now, I’m trying my best to find the most interesting thing to do. I already read books, worked out a lot, had good times with friends, watched movies, etc. And now, I’m so bored. I’m still waiting for the results of my application in other companies and trying to enjoy life, but for the past few days, I’m starting to get bored with not doing anything. It came to a point where I had to beg my friends to go out with me, but of course, I couldn’t expect them to always be free since they have jobs/studies. And now, I don’t know if I will be happy because I have all the time to myself or I will crazy not having any plans for the days to come.

I tried to update all the profiles I have in different websites but I find myself frustrated in the end because I just can’t seem to edit the layout of my Multiply Account the way I wanted it to look like. I wanted it simple with the same header as the one I have here, but after several hours of trial and error (I didn’t study HTML, just used logic to figure out how to edit websites), I gave up.

I’m planning to do oil painting tomorrow, since my brother has all the things needed and it’s been a long time since I used my creative juices on anything at all. The last time I painted was in college, where I used watercolor, though oil is a completely different medium, I know I’ll find a way to come up with I nice image. Hopefully the outcome’s good. I’ll post the painting here as soon as I finish my first masterpiece.

For now, I guess, I’ll just have to wait for tomorrow’s idle time, hoping for something interesting to happen.