I'm so Confused

This is a really crazy entry, but I know for a fact that a lot of people go through the same situation.

HEART: A sudden wave of depression passed by me as I was walking on my way home from the gym. Last night was surreal. I didn’t think that something so wonderful could happen to me again. Yes, I had an official date with the Charmer, and what he offered me changed the whole game. I saw him in a different light. He was a person who is so dedicated to his goals and is not in the circuit. I saw the depth of his personality in one night, something that is hard to achieve. There are a lot of exchange of stories, statements and beliefs, but what’s important in the end is how we reacted to the whole thing. We both enjoyed the night and felt the connection. As corny as it may sound, especially to those who abhor Valentine’s Day, we like each other’s company. Until now, we are still exchanging messages, but what he doesn’t know is that I feel scared of what’s gonna happen next. I’m afraid to invest emotions because of the fear of going through all the pain that comes with it. It’s so easy to say that people should take the risk, but what I went through in my past relationship was so bad that I still remember how hurt I was then. Aside from this, there’s also to think that he might be thinking of the same thing. Worse, he might not be over his ex. That would definitely complicate things.

MIND: On the other hand, this game we started is becoming grueling. I just took the next step and now, I’m tired and don’t know what to do next. I’m starting to lose coz I feel like I’m starting to really like him. But a part of me is saying I’m not yet ready to give up that easily. I told myself that I’m gonna give this my best shot. But come to think of it, he already gave signs that I won, but he might be bluffing. I couldn’t let my guard down, not now. But what if he’s actually just waiting for me to do that and he would do the same. It would then be a draw then. It would’ve been perfect that way, unfortunately, I wouldn’t really know for now. All I can say is that I’m at the losing end. I definitely lost yesterday, he got me there. But the game is not yet over.