It's all about work

my messy desk

Just got back home from work and this is unusual because it’s still early. Usually I go home at 9 – 10am but right now, it’s only 7:30 and I’m ready to sleep. Probably because everyone else at work went home early or maybe because I just didn’t feel the need to stay at work (although I was actually hoping that I would find someone to hangout with a while ago), I was done with the daily reports even before the shift was finished simply because majority of my agents were not dialing. After the shift, I just asked my team to go to the briefing room for a meeting. I think it’s time for us to get serious. After handling the top team for several months, the agents in the whole campaign were reshuffled, as a result, I have new agents; agents who came from different teams. At first, I didn’t really like what happened because I love my former team. We’ve been together since my first day in the campaign, and that was last year. But things happen, and all you can do is to deal with the changes, whether you like it or not. So there, after the reshuffling of agents, my team became the worst team (sales and quality wise), not counting the other issues that I have with them, like sleeping on the floor, tardiness, absenteeism, etc. So during the meeting, I formally introduced them to a new set of policies that I will be implementing in my team, and the response was pretty good. Hopefully, we’ll slowly fix the problems and become the top team. For the mean time, I’m gonna be optimistic. I know that I can do this. I’ve done this before, there’s no problem doing it again.

How My Day was Spent

I met this guy before, and we used to date. Unfortunately, what we had just slowly faded after a couple of days. I dunno what exactly happened but we just stopped talking and sending messages to each other. The good thing is, after a couple of months, he sent me a message with his new number asking me if we could meet. This happened weeks ago when I was so stressed to go out and meet other people (aside from my best friends). I declined the offer the first time, but last Saturday, I finally decided to meet him after work.

We met at Starbucks. I was with my officemates, when he got there, I introduced him to them and then we went straight to McDonalds to eat breakfast. We were able to catch up on a lot of things. It’s always fun to talk to him. He has this way of making the topic interesting even if it’s something not even old people would talk about. There were no boring moments with him… he’s really fun to be with. I remember how he reacts every time I tell him to stop acting like a kid… he’d look at me wearing this what-the-fuck-did-you-just-say? look. I would just smile at him and tell him I’m kidding. He hates being called a kid. And I know that he isn’t. Sometimes he evens acts more mature than me.

Another thing that I like about him is his confidence. When I introduced him to my friends, he didn’t show a single hint of introversion. When he got to our table, he immediately asked the group what we were doing, which is something I cannot do. Usually, when introduced to a group of people, I just sit and keep quiet until I get comfortable to talk. Similar thing happened when I introduced him to my mom (FYI: this was not intentional). What happened was we were hanging out near my place when he asked if he could use the washroom. I didn’t know that my mom was up then, so after insisting that we have breakfast at our place first, the next thing I remember was, they were talking to each other for hours.

After spending a couple of hours with him, I went straight home. It was 12nn when I got to bed. I promised myself that I’ll be going out at night. After 8 hours of sleep (finally…) Meg, Jason and Mitcheiko (colleagues) called asking what my plan was that night. I told him I’m not sure yet. Then after a couple of minutes of trying to come up with a decision, we agreed to just go to Jason’s place and drink there (since Corrinne, an x-colleague, together with her husband, Paolo and friend, JR are goin to buy drinks and food for us). We got there at around 12mn. After a couple of drinks, I remembered that this guy (the guy I met that morning) is in a party near the place, so we decided to pick him up after his party. When we got back, he started to drink shots (he already looked wasted when we picked him up), and started this conversation with one of my agents about politics and the economy. Everybody was tipsy; some were hammered already when people started to join the conversation. He was definitely making a point, and everybody was listening to him. Some even asked him questions. I was amazed by how good he is. Even my friends were impressed by the way talks and the things he believed in.

After hours of arguing about the being optimistic, people’s beliefs, changing the government, etc., we decided to go to bed. The original plan was he and I would be sleeping in the guest room, but we just decided to stay in one room. I was thinking of what we used to have before, how this young guy caught my attention, how he told me what he likes and doesn’t like, telling me his opinions about stuff. I was staring at the ceiling, thinking how it was for us before when he suddenly wrapped his arm around me. He asked me that night if I missed him, I said “yeah”, and then asked him the same question, he just smiled, then after a couple of seconds, he said “of course”.

Renovation

I was finally able to push myself to work on my blog. After a couple of hours of Photoshop-ing, surfing and editing, I was able to achieve my idea of a “simple yet fun” site. Although, I’m not that satisfied yet because the pictures don’t seem to be that clear, I’m still happy because I was finally able to accomplish what I wanted to do weeks ago. Thanks to some cool sites (where I got ideas and pictures), I finished my masterpiece! (I even have my signature on the header… heheh!) I attached some of the pictures I used for the header here, just to let you know where it came from. (Thank you James for the pics.)

Now I have a huge favor… If it’s not too much, can you give out feedback, suggestions, or whatever you wanna say about the way this site looks like (or even the things that I write… hehe)? Hopefully, you could tell me if the old one’s better. I really appreciate it. Just click on the comment link below… Thanks.

Saturday Night

After several weeks of not going to bars and dancing like crazy, last night, I was able to go back to how I was years ago. I danced like there was no tomorrow.

After work, I went straight to the mall and watched “Sukob”. It was one of the few movies that will give you the shock of your life. Everyone screamed on the top of their lungs. Just imagine, there were five of us occupying four seats. We lifted the armrests so we can sit close together. It felt like we sat on a couch. After the movie, all we can talk about was how our knees are still weak. The movie was definitely worth watching.

After the movie, I went straight to bed. It was around 3pm when I last checked and set my alarm hoping that I would wake up at 8pm to meet my friends in Greenbelt to have dinner. Luckily, I woke up at 8pm, unfortunately, my body did not stand up, all I can remember was when I checked my phone it was already 11:40pm. The first word that came out of my mouth was “SHIT!” The second time I looked at my phone, I saw 3 missed calls and 9 messages. I immediately called my friend and asked where they are. Fortunately, they were still in Greenbelt having coffee, and decided that they will go to Government afterwards. I told him to wait for me, and then rushed downstairs, took a bath, wore a white shirt and jeans and put on my dancing shoes. I was so in a hurry that I didn’t even check if I still have money in my wallet.

When I got to the coffee shop, I immediately ordered café mocha, to wake my body up. After a couple of minutes of chatting with them, we decided to go to the club. Everybody decided to go. I do not exactly know what’s with me that night, but I was so excited.

When we got to the club, I signed my name on the VIP list, and then I walked towards the entrance where here was only a black cloth covering what was going on inside, only the beat of the music could be heard.

I almost forgot how it was inside the club. It felt like people are on “E” or something. Everyone was dancing… some guys even took their shirts off, exposing their sweaty chiseled body. After a couple of minutes of letting things sink in, I went to the bar and got myself a glass of Cape Cod and went upstairs to greet my friends who are regulars of the club. After that, I found myself talking to joel bout creating a post on describing what we see, feel and hear right at that very moment. We were trying to look for the right words to use like surrendering to the music, or feeling the music flow through our veins, something like that. Unfortunately, I just couldn’t find the right words to use now, so I’m just gonna say that it was a F*CKIN great night. It feels good to dance your heart out without caring bout what the people around you would think. That’s what I did. I surrendered to the music, and hell yeah… it was fun. After hours of dancing and taking over the dancefloor, it was time to go (there were still a lot of people inside, it’s just that czar needed to go home), we went to the exit and daylight flashed before our eyes… it was 6:30am. I didn’t even notice. It was a night to remember. Too bad I didn’t get to meet anyone.

Just an Update

There are a lot of things that happened to me the past month, I don’t even know where to start, but I told myself that I have to write again, so here it is.

- I have quit smoking for almost 2 months but I started smoking again because of the stress at work. I’m going to quit… again. If I was able to do it before I can easily do it the second time.

- Work has been more stressful than ever. It came to a point that I wanted to quit right at that very moment. It was also the reason why I reached the most stressful and depressing moment in my life. It’s crazy.

- My mom is starting to act really weird. She starting to be really nice when I’m around, which kinda scares me. I don’t know why. Maybe I’m just not used to it. She’s telling me that she just misses me since we don’t have time to talk anymore because of my work.

- I already have internet at my station at work. How I got it is a long story. I’m just happy that I have one. It’s actually one of the reasons why I still go to work.

- I’ve been so into changing the template of my blog. I’m very proud to say that even if I didn’t study a single thing about HTML, I did the template by myself. It’s easy for others maybe, but for me, its days of trial and error.

- I’m still not satisfied with the way my blog looks which made me stop writing for quite sometime thinking that I should made the site look better first. I want a simple one; I just don’t know where to start though.

- I’ve been doing the header/title of my friends’ blog. I’ve done several for my best friend Joel and I’m doing Chai’s now (check out the links on the right side). I just love doing headers. It brings out my creative side. I’ve actually downloaded a lot of Photoshop brushes, and I find them really cool.

- I just found out that other people, aside from my friends, read my blog. It made me feel shy because I’m not that good in writing, but I’m happy that there are people, who I do not really know, finds my posts interesting. I honestly did not expect it. (Thanks for reading guys...)

- I’ve been doing zips for a couple of weeks now, and I am proud to say that I could do fire already, I just don’t want to coz I wanted my fist burn (that’s how they call it) to be perfect. So I’ll need more practice.

- I’ve had a major bonding with my team at work. I just love the guys.

That’s it for now. I have to prepare for work. It’s been raining hard and I don’t want to be late.

The Past, the Present and the Future

I woke up too early today. I slept for only 3 hours, and considering the fact that I’m still taking medication for my vertigo (which doesn’t want to leave me) and my allergic rhinitis, my sleep was just like a power nap.

It was raining hard. The thunders made me open my eyes and check my laptop if it’s still connected to the phone line. Someone told me that if there’s lightning and thunder, you should unplug your computer from the phone socket just in case lighting strikes the line, your computer won’t get destroyed or something. I find it weird but, what the heck! I wouldn’t lose anything anyway if I do it. So I did what I was told. After that, I looked around the room and felt OC. I started cleaning and arranging my stuff. I found some stuff that came from my condo unit (I used to live alone in a condo near where I live now.) I found bills, cards, receipts, and all those paper. I started organizing all the important documents that I have. Browsing through them made me find out how much I’ve changed in the span of 1 year and a half. I used to run away from paying bills before, which is the reason why I still have a balance with my credit card, phone and gym. I also found letters from friends, notebooks which included the prices of the jewelry that I was making, how much I charge my client, pay slips from my previous work, pictures, etc. I was different before. I didn’t have plans; I always get into the same trouble, same sentiments, and same problems over and over again. My life’s a mess. The whole time I felt like I was bringing out skeletons in my closet. Maybe because we just came from a tragedy that time (our house was razed by fire, and everything that we have was lost. The only thing that we had left were the clothes that we’re wearing that time), but enough with that. We were all able to move on now. And I always believed that everything happens for a reason. No regrets. (I just miss my clothes and shoes!) Anyway, going back, yes, I had a tough past. (I haven’t written everything yet. It would be a very, very long story if I did. You can just ask my friends.) Even if it took me a hundred of falls before I learned, everything was worth it. I know that every trial made me stronger, those things made me who I am right now.

After finishing the chores, I told myself…

“You’ve come a long way. Don’t let things go back to the way it used to be.”

Currently, I have a stable job, not financially ok but coping (I can still pay my bills, thank God!), I can still buy most of the small things that I want, and also have my family and friends who support me, I should be ok. Although I’m working on my health now (I’m kinda sick now and I’m regularly going to the doctor for checkups), everything will fall into place… soon. All I have to remember is that today, I had a glance of what my past was… I don’t want to go back. I want a better life.

Wanting

After a night in a club, one whole day of traveling with one of my best friends, Joel, I found myself sitting in a bar with him, his boyfriend, Third, and another close friend Ron. One and a half bottles of beer and I could already feel the alcohol flowing through my veins … making me feel tipsy. It’s been a long time since I had a drinking session with friends. I miss it. We are talking about people we’ve dated that time. We were exchanging ideas on relationships and how one’s friends affect his choice of person to date. It should not really matter, but in some instances, it does, especially if there’s a strong urge to impress the people around you. Who wouldn’t want a perfect guy?

After a couple of minutes, the focus was on me. We were talking about this guy that I dated before and why I always talk about him. We dated for a month. Unfortunately we had to part ways. No regrets though. We are still in good terms, even chat once in a while in yahoo. At that time, I was thinking of the feeling of almost having the perfect guy. You find excitement and happiness with that person, and when it’s already gone, you start search for the same feeling again. The problem is that you start to compare. You meet a new guy. You find out that he’s completely the opposite. You look for another, and after finding one, again, you find differences. It would have been fine if it didn’t matter. You make yourself believe that it doesn’t matter, but at the end of the day, you realize that it does. If I’d be talking to someone who’s in this situation, I’d tell him: “It’s easy. Accept the fact that no one’s gonna be exactly like him, try to find the good things with the new guy and embrace his flaws.” I used to tell myself this. I was ok for a while. Single, had a couple of dates, but still single. It didn’t bother me until last night. Last night I faced the fact that it’s still him that I want.