conclusion

almost a month of investing emotions, almost a month of believing, almost a month of trying to be perfect for this person and now the conclusion.

i've tried everything to make this work, but i can't control destiny... it was just not meant to be.

i saw this coming... not recieveing a text from him for a couple of days; when we're together, he won't talk to me the way he used to; all the signs were telling me that it won't end the way i wanted it to. but i have to hear it from him.

it was raining that night. just finished a drinking session with friends. i told myself that i have to do this. this would be a good time to hear it from him, or at least get updates.

we entered the cab. the conversation started. then there it was. hitting me hard. "it's gone". it's over. but then i wanted to tell him everything. we talked for a few more minutes outside his building. after letting out some of the emotions, i felt that i'm about to cry. i want him. i don't wanna lose him.i made a desperate request, i wanna spend the night with him. one last time. tomorrow, i'll accept that we could only be friends but that night i wanted us to stay that way.

after entering his room, i asked him to play a sorta fairytale by Tori Amos. i was just staring at the floor. listening. then i asked for his hand, he hugged me. that was it... the lowest state. loving someone you can never have. and he was there hugging me. it felt like he was saying sorry. i can't do anything but accept. its over.

when he took a shower, i started crying really hard. all the memories came back. and each one made me cry more. why can't i have him? why am i not worth it? i could have done anything for him, but it was still not enough. it will never be enough. it would have been perfect, but it was just not meant to be.

after taking a shower, i saw him sitting on the bed. listening to music. i wanted to cherish that moment. our last night. i sat beside him and hugged him. then he started crying. he was telling me things about his past relationships, how promises were broken. he told me that he's not going to do that to me. we'll be friends.

i told myself that i'm going to remember that moment. and i still feel it. now i'm trying to mend this part of me that keeps on breaking. i'm good at this. i've done this a lot of times, and i know i can make it.

i gave it my best shot... but i just can't have him.