I have a strong heart. It had gone through a lot of pain in the past and if it was something tangible, it would blend with the stones in a pile of gravel because of the dents and sctratches. No one would want to keep it based on its appearance. But behind the surface, it is a diamond, and it was beating for someone who is not seeing its true beauty.
When I fell for him, I was equipped with all the rules and guidelines to follow when dealing with relationships. The ultimate goal: to prove to the world that love is something that lasts, and each person should make every sacrifice to make the relationship work… committing to the bond that brought you guys together. For years, I did everything I felt right. I sacrificed my needs and wants for the relationship… for him; for the person I want to be with the rest of my life. I felt that he did the same thing too. For the years we were together, we knew there would be humps along the way, and we mastered the art of dealing with small misunderstandings. We accepted each other’s mistakes. It was so perfect that at the end of each argument, we talk as if nothing happened. We understood each other. Or so I thought. The truth is, there’s no book or rule out there that would put your heart on a safe place. You have to lay it out there and hope that someone would find it.
That’s what I did. I threw my heart and he found it. I thought he would want to keep it and take care of it forever, but last night he threw it away. It is now over. All my dreams of with him are now nightmares that haunt me. All the happy memories spent together are things I do not want to remember because they make me stop whatever I am doing, breakdown and cry.
I’m confused and hurt. I was wondering if every moment we spent together were built on lies. Every kiss, every hug, every sweet moment we spent together before we sleep, every “I love you” I got from him before I left the house, the times we held each other’s hand on every cab we took together, every night we laugh and tease each other, the list goes on. I wanted to shout at the top of my lungs and ask “Why?”
He doesn’t know how much pain I am in right now. What makes it worse is he acts as if nothing happened, not a single tear shed for losing me. After everything I saw and felt, my mind still wanted to be strong for my friends and family, I wanted them to see that I am fine, but I can’t do this anymore. My heart is crushed. I thought I could prepare myself for every pain that would come my way, I actually thought of this exact scenario, I told myself that his lies won’t destroy my heart. I’ll turn a blind eye. My mind was convinced I could do it, my heart was not.
So now, I’ll leave the pages blank, I do not know what is ahead of me, all I know is that my heart is out there. I have to find the pieces and hope that someone would pick it up and take care of it.
