Unwinding

Exactly 3pm when I started writing this. I’m lying down on a hammock beside my friend. And guess where we are… by the beach in Agno, Pangasinan. We’re not actually on the shore, but under a shed on a cliff. I’m facing Vietnam now. I can see the vast body of water, the waves created by the wind, and at the same time, feeling it blow through my skin while listening to music. It’s a perfect retreat. Everything is calm. There are no noisy kids, no other people except for us. It’s actually a private beach. And I’m not talking of a couple of meters long, but probably 30 kilometers of white, sun kissed sand. There’s a house in the middle, in front is a cliff where the shed (we call it tower because it has two levels) is built. Anyway, I told myself that this is my time to relax and forget about all the stress that I have been having for the past weeks. I deserve this.

We went swimming a while ago. I took pictures of the scenery. It was breathtaking. On the shore, it wasn’t actually pure sand. There were small pools of water formed by volcanic rocks. They were like Jacuzzis because the water was warm. Under the water were plants and a lot of black starfishes which were hiding inside the small holes. In the afternoon, we stayed on the formation were the waves meet the edge of the rocks. There was even this hole that shoots water when the big waves reach the edge. It was an exhilarating feeling. I was feeling a little nervous though because one big wave might pull me to the deep water ahead of us, and it’s kinda slippery because of the algae under my slippers. If that happens, I won’t really die of drowning because I know to swim, and I love swimming, but then, the strong waves could slam me to the sides of the rocks.

We continued walking further to the area where there’s place to really swim and not worry about any rock formation under us. The sun was scorching our backs, but it didn’t matter. When we reach the sandy area, we dropped our things on the sand and went to the water and started dipping our whole body under the warm water. The sand was not that fine compared to the ones in Boracay, but the color was nice. My friends started picking up shells for their aquariums at home while I just let my body float.

Eyes closed, moving my arms and legs slowly, I started to feel like nothing else matter. I forgot about all the stuff I have to do at work, my problems at home and my frustrations in life. Everything was so perfect at that moment. It took me a couple of minutes before I realize that the sun was burning my face already, so when I realized that I have to go back, I stood up, went to where my friends are lounging around, sat beside them and lit a cigarette. After one stick we started walking back to the cottage where we will be eating dinner.

It’s almost midnight. I stopped writing a while ago because we had to eat dinner. Yeah it took me a while to write a couple of paragraphs. I just couldn’t continue writing. The view was distracting me. Now I’m on the second floor of the tower. The full moon is shining above me. I could hear the loud splash of water below. The tide is high and the wind is blowing strong making the splash of water sound like thunder. I’m gonna rest for now tomorrow we’ll be goin back to the city. It’s a nice rest for me. I just wish I could stay longer.

The next day, we decided to go straight to Baguio instead, so we drove up to the cold city. The temperature was pretty low. We were wearing summer outfits when we went there, but then we realized we need jackets. It was so cold. We went shopping in ukayukays, then slept at my friends resthouse there. The next day, we went to Minesview park just to see the view. I didn't have enough money to buy stuff so I just took pictures.

Back to reality for now. I'm goin back to work.

Pictures were taken by me during the trip.

Weekend at Last

This is a late entry. My original plan was to write before the weekend starts. I just felt lazy that time, and I also went out with Jason and Malou after the shift. We were in Glorietta til 6pm. Well I was left with Joel because Malou went home early.

We watched Basic Instinct 2. I was so inspired by how Sharon Stone manipulated her victim. It was her power of seduction, play of words and stunning beauty that made it possible for her to pull her tricks and destroy several people’s lives. Call me evil, but admired her for that. Only a few people would be able to do that.

After that, we saw a ramp in the middle of Glorietta and found out that it was Fashion Week. There’ll be a fashion show at 6:00pm. It made me remember the days when I would spend several thousands of pesos just for me to look fashionable at work. There was a time in my previous work that I never wore the same outfit twice for 3 months. I had a lot of shoes, jeans, shirts, jackets, etc. Name it, I have it. Those were the days when I was always seen as the most fashionable employee. I miss those days. Thinking about it makes me want to buy clothes again. But then reality bites. I wasn’t able to get commission for March and I have to save money for my Boracay trip. It sucks when I think about it, but at least I’ll be spending 1 whole week in Boracay. I can’t wait.

Sunday. I spent the afternoon in Greenhills with some friends. Again, I saw stuff that I liked, but didn’t really buy because of some financial issues. But it was ok. Well, I kinda spent much on this game in Timezone which was introduced to me by this guy I dated before. It was a game where there’s a bar moving from left to right, and you have to press a button to stop it from moving. The objective of the game is to stack up the bars to reach the top. The bars move faster and become shorter as the pile goes up. If you reach the top, you win a mobile phone or MP3 player. You can actually choose from 4 major prizes. I just can’t remember the four. It was easy at first. I actually reached the last block several times, but then I never stopped it at the right spot. It was really addictive because my friend even gave me money so that he could watch me play again and again. Too bad we didn’t win.

After that, I met up with my best friends in Seattle’s Best. We were finally able to meet, after several weeks of busy schedules. We were just chillin there, talking about Boracay, high school, stuff that didn’t really mean anything. We were teasing each other, making fun of the people around us, looking at each others’ phones, talking about the people that we usually see in the places where we used to go. That’s was our normal routine when we meet. We’ve known each other since grade school, and that’s something I’m proud of. We still see each other and talk over the phone as often as possible. We’ve seen each other grow and turn into who we are right now. We made each other stronger. We been together through ups and downs and I know that this won’t change.

I’m back in my room now. It’s actually 2:13pm. I’ll be going to work early to print out some certificates and do some reports. The weekend’s over, and I’m back to my normal, busy, stressful life.

Move on

I wasn’t able to write yesterday because I was so tired. I was planning to write though. After the shift, I went to Gateway with a friend and paid my phone bill. After that, we ate at Pancake house, and went home. It was a weird shift for me, because for some unknown reason, I kinda felt better. No extreme dizziness. I was even back to my normal routine of perking people. But then I heard some news. I didn’t actually believe it at first, No one believes the news, but then after analyzing it, I found out that this could be true.

My boss is going to resign from work. According to her, she’s gonna submit her resignation letter later. No one actually took her seriously. Maybe because she’s the type of person who would pull tricks on people for fun. She even made us believe that Manny Pacquiao was going to the office one time. She’s fun to work with though. When she’s around, work feels lighter (if she’s not in a bad mood). She would walk around the floor and crack jokes at people. When you see her the first time, you wouldn’t think that she’s a shift manager, but then when you start to know her, you’ll see that her decisions, the way she handles the campaigns, the way she deals with people and her way of working is astonishing. And she’s known for that.

She’s also a close friend of mine as well. During my first few months at work, she was my co-supervisor. We used to hangout at work with some of the other supervisors. When she was promoted as a shift manager, she’s took me as one of the supervisors in her campaign. Some people think she’s a bitch. Maybe because she always talks about what’s in and what’s out in the society. She’d usually talk about clothes, music, clubs, cars, etc. But then she’s just like that. She has a good sense of fashion and people skills which make others envy her. I, on the other hand, admire her way of dealing with people. Her humor makes everybody want to listen to her. It’s something that’s hard to learn; probably something that you cannot learn. It’s either you’re born with it or without it. And she’s one of those who have it. All in all, she’s a wonderful person inside out. And no one at work would want to see her go.

This happened to me before. My boss who I really like leaves work. I cried so hard yesterday when I heard the news. I still don’t know if this will push through or not. Hopefully it was just a joke. Or if she’s getting burned out, I hope that the management just gives her time to rest.

By the way, I wasn’t able to get my commission for the month of February. Someone was not able to send an email about it to the report writer. Yeah, it happened again. I’m just pushing for a check, like before. Also, I won’t be able to get commission for March. They did not approve my proposal. It hurts.

I can’t do anything about it anyway. Might as well move on…

Stress

Woke up early again today for some unknown reason. Maybe it’s because it’s so hot, and yeah, we do not have an air conditioning unit right now. I guess summer’s really here.

I’ve been having a hard time getting enough rest the past few days. Every time I’m at work, I feel so tired that I want to just lie down and sleep and forget about everything that’s happening around me, but when I get home, I only sleep for a couple of hours. I guess my body clock’s fucked up already. A friend told me yesterday that what I’m feeling is caused by over fatigue. I’ve been working too hard and not getting enough rest anymore. I believed him. I’ve been working too hard and my body’s giving up already. And the worst thing is I feel like I’m not getting anything in return. I feel like just writing here everything that’s in my head right now; stuff that stress me out.

Yesterday, I just found out that the benchmark for the commission grid of my agents was increased. I don’t know why they did this. That benchmark was given to us because that’s the number that you have to hit in order for the company to earn money. My team worked hard for them to hit the benchmark, and now, when they realized that my people are doing well, they increase the benchmark for what!?! Lesser commission for the agents, more money for the company? That’s fucked up! In the first place, why do they give out benchmarks on the start of dialing if they’re going to change on the last day of the cut off? There giving false hope to people, and I know that they’re gonna get something in return. I believe in Karma.

Second. I was talking about the available leads that we have left for the campaign that I handle. I was telling my boss that we don’t have enough leads to last for the 8 days that we still have to end the campaign. I was trying to tell her that we need to do something about it before we get to the point where we don’t hit our goal, and people blame me for not doing my job properly. But then, I did not feel the sense of urgency in this matter. I think she is trying to tell me that we worry about it when it’s happening already. I’ve seen it happen before in other campaigns, and I thought I could do some thing to prevent it fro happening to me, but I was wrong. I just don’t have enough power to make decisions on my own. All I can say is that, I did my part. I’m prepared. I’m just waiting for the disaster to happen.

Third. One of the campaigns ended yesterday. All the supervisors had a meeting about the staffing. FYI: I have the most number of agents dialing in one campaign that is having problem with the leads. 2 agents were transferred to my campaign. Then, after a few minutes, I just realized that they still added 2 more agents, which gives me 4. I actually don’t have problems if these people are performing or not, I can do something about their skills, but when you add more people to a campaign that’s having trouble with the leads, that’s something else. Don’t think I didn’t complain about it, I did. Maybe they just didn’t listen.

Fourth. I was waiting for my boss to give me updates on my commission, if she talked to her boss about the stats. But then NOTHING HAPPENED. That was the only thing that I was waiting for but I was kept hanging.

Fifth. One of my co-supervisor kept bugging me about putting songs to his iPod. He did not stop bugging me. I was in the middle of a monitoring session; he interrupted me to ask me to do it for him. He was asking me to bring his iPod with me at home and add the songs there. I am honestly willing to do I for him, but then his timing and the way he asked me was fucked up. I have his Nano and Shuffle with me right now, and I’m still thinking if I’m gonna do it o not.

Six. One of my cousins sent me a message that she needed money. She didn’t even ask for money, it was more like a command o give her money. I guess I don’t need to elaborate.

I'm back

I just woke up from a short sleep. I set my alarm at 5pm but I woke up at 3pm. So I only slept for 4 hours today. I just felt like writing so I turned my computer on and started typing.It’s been a while since I wrote something about myself. I’ve been so busy at work that I don’t even have the energy to go somewhere else after work. I normally work for 11 – 14 hours everyday. So you could just imagine how stressed my body is right now. Why am doing it? Maybe because it keeps me away from thinking about my personal problems, or maybe because I trying to make the best out of my career. I’ve been doing the reports of my boss for a couple of weeks now, and sometimes I just end up asking myself why the fuck am I doing this? Then I start to realize that this is a good training ground, or I just want to experience the life of someone who is almost at the top of the corporate ladder. I’m giving my best here. I’m doing my best to reach the top. I’ve been in the top 3 supervisors in the campaign for 3 months now, and I guess, it’s paying off, somehow. I get to make decisions for myself, my boss, who’s a really nice gal, listens to me when I say something about the way our campaign goes, and I get to be recognized by the people at work, I get some special treatment when it comes to some small things (which kinda make things a little fun.J), and I get to earn more money because of overtime and commission. Talking about commission, yesterday, after finishing all the monthly reports for the campaign, my world suddenly fell apart. I was hoping, well actually, expecting that I will be getting commission for the month of March. Well, I do deserve it. I’m the top supervisor for the month, I’m doing more stuff than a normal supervisor, and I’ve been damn serious with my work! But then, with a sudden twist of fate, my team quality scores did not meet the requirement for the commission. So all my plans for the month shattered into thin glass as I was staring at my monitor. I usually take everything that comes my way, but this one? Damn! I felt like all my efforts were wasted. Let’s face it everybody works for the money. And I’m not talking about a couple of hundreds; it’s 116% of my basic salary! I wanted to shout at that moment, but I realized it wouldn’t make any difference. So I went downstairs and lit a cigarette while thinking of how much I lost. I thought of all the stuff that I could do to get the commission. There’s no other way than go to my boss and talk to her about it.So after my cig, I went to my boss’ station then talked to her about it. She told me that she’s gonna talk to her boss about it. Fair enough. But then, after a couple of minutes of sitting in front of her, maybe she felt how devastated I am about what happened. Then she stopped what she was doing, and faced my ay and told me that she’s gonna fight for it. It kinda brought back some hope, but majority of what I was feeling was depression. I didn’t know what else to do. I guess I just have to wait till she talks to her boss.It’s gonna happen later. My shift starts at 8pm, and it’s already 4:25pm. Since we do have a management meeting at 7:30PM, I’m going to freshen up early. My friend will pick me up in a while.It felt great writing again. I missed doing this. It’s like telling a person everything, and all that person does is listen to you and feel for you. I’m gonna do this more often. It’s nice to be back.