I've always wanted to get a tattoo. At first it was for aesthetic reasons but as I mature, I wanted to get a mark that would signify a part of me that is not seen by the naked eye but felt by the people around me. It needs to be empowering for me. The only problem is I don’t know what design will I get and where to put it. I saw this picture and it gave an idea of how I want mine to look like. I wonder how many days will it take for me to get a tattoo that huge and how much will it cost me…
I’m lost. I don’t know how to react to the feeling of losing something that you thought you will have. I tried telling myself that I do not have the right to complain because I cannot lose something I never had, but then, why am I so damaged with what happened? I told myself that I won’t expect, and I felt that I was not expecting, but now that found out that I won’t get what I’ve always wanted, I realized that my desire for this thing was so big and it had a huge effect on me.
How is it possible for someone not to expect if you have invested a lot and was led to believe that you can get what you want? How could something so simple become so complicated when all cards are laid? Is it human nature to aspire for something and be devastated in the end when things do not happen their way? Is there anyway to avoid this trap?
On the other hand, should I fight for it? Should I pursue something that I already know is gone? Things are getting so complicated as I mature. I used to be the person who just takes whatever comes my way, but now that there’s an element of aspiration; simplicity gets blurred out of the picture. The picture I see now is filled with shadows, dark pigments of hurt that haunts me. I thought everything was clear at first. I thought that light would make the picture clear and simple, and it did, but the thing is it also created shadows.
Writing this on a positive note was my objective, but it turns out that my emotions get in the way. On the other hand, maybe it helped because my only purpose in writing this is to get stuff out of my chest.
